Tell us your love story!
Heidi: We had several mutual friends from LiveJournal and Twitter communities for fans of a few specific bands (Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, etc.), and I kept noticing my friends talking to this smart, interesting person I wanted to know, so I started following them on Twitter. We kept discovering more things we had incommon, having lengthy conversations in private messages, and eventually collaborating on a creative project together that just meant even more talking and discovering. Molly confessed they had feelings for me and I was thrilled! Not long after that I planned a visit (they live in San Francisco and at the time I lived in Vermont), and meeting in person was like meeting someone Iβd known my whole life. That visit was in February; in May of the same year I moved across the country to live with them. A wild leap of faith, but I just knew it would work, and I havenβt looked back.
What about the proposal?
Heidi: I knew Molly was planning to propose around Christmas, so I was getting increasingly excited as it got closer. We travel from San Francisco to visit my family in Vermont every year, which involves a full day of travel and usually a lot of sitting around an airport late at night waiting for our last connection. During that wait, Molly confessed they hadnβt actually gotten a ring and I would have to bring them shopping in the few days before Christmas. It worked out really well, because my sister worked at a jewelry counter at the time so I went to her to help me pick something out, we found my dream ring, and then I sat in a cafe while Molly shopped so I didnβt actually know if they went to my sister or picked something outon their own.
On the day of, when we were mostly finished with presents, I unwrapped my gift from Molly to find a cute, more casual ring they had picked out for me, and then they told me that wasnβt the only ring I was getting. My mother gasped so loudly you could probably hear it states away as Molly got down on one knee – and immediatelygot swarmed by my parentsβ dog! – to propose. There was my dream ring, and also my dream person, and in my excitement I almost forgot to actually say yes!
When did you know that you were meant to be with each other?
Heidi: I donβt know that there was any one moment! There have been a thousand little things that just reaffirm it, over and over since I moved. Being around Molly makesΒ me feel like a better version of myself, and I knew very early on I wanted to be that version forever.
Going into the wedding planning, what did you definitely know?
Heidi: I knew I wanted to get married in Mendocino County where Molly grew up because both the coast and the inland are gorgeous, and that we wanted to be outdoors. Also a lot of people would be traveling so we wanted our wedding somewhereΒ people could stay, to take some of the planning stress out of it for peopleΒ who were coming a long way for us!
What surprised you during planning? What was easy, what was difficult?
Heidi: I was surprised by how little I ended up wanting to do myself. I was out of workΒ and planning the wedding was basically my full-time job, but even then I wouldΒ find myself staring down the barrel of assembling favors or hand-painting place cards or DIY floral arrangements and nearly always make the call to pay someoneΒ else to take care of it. Iβm a very crafty person but the time investment, the need to have everything Just Right, and the amount of space it would take up to store materials and finished products in our tiny apartment was just a little too much.
Molly: The vendors all know each other. This helped us out in a few ways, most notablyΒ when the DJ we initially hired had to cancel a month out and suggested an excellentΒ alternative. But it also made for an awkward 5 minutes between our back-to-back interviews with florists who turned out to be friends.
Is there anything you wish you knew while you were planning your wedding thatyou know now?
Heidi: The fewer things that need to be Perfect, the better. I had two things that I wanted to go Perfectly, and many many things that didnβt need precise timing or people to be in exactly the right places or six different moving pieces to line up, and thereΒ were many little hiccups throughout the day but the ones that really devastate meΒ were with the two things that needed to be Perfect. The more you can stick to concepts and not details when you build the image of your perfect day, the more relaxingΒ it will be! Do you need your tables to be named with in-jokes perfectly tailored to the people at each table (entirely thrown off by a minor printing error neitherΒ of us caught in the proofs) or just cute things that feel like You? Do you need toΒ enter the reception to a precisely-timed piece of music for maximum dramatic effect, or just pick a song you like?
Any advice for couples planning weddings now? Anything you would have donedifferently or anything youβd like to add?
Heidi: 1. Pick a point person for your wedding and give them more information than theyΒ need, more tasks than you think you should, and lean on them hard. Our pointΒ person was wonderful, but I only fully utilized her on the day of the ceremony, so the day before when I had a killer migraine I still had to contendΒ with a full list of tasks to either do or delegate when I could barely rememberΒ my name. 2. Donβt be afraid to say no to people. Iβm a big people pleaser at the best of times, and I was afraid of being branded a βbridezillaβ, so I would try to be accommodatingΒ of suggestions, ideas, and offers that didnβt work with what weΒ wanted for our day and then I would be stuck with the labor of making themΒ work for us. If youβre accepting money from people, let them have a say inΒ some things, for sure, but there is nothing wrong with knowing what you wantΒ and what you donβt and being gentle but firm about it. 3. Budget more than you think you need for everything. Obviously this isnβt always possible! But however much you can do will help take the pressure off. Most budget advice I saw recommended having a specific cushion of someΒ percentage of your total budget, and we did that, but I also did my best toΒ overestimate how much we would need for things so each category (food, apparel, etc) had its own cushion as well.
Molly: The single best thing we did in our planning was a decision we made early on: that for any given decision, the person who cared most would get their way. In the vastΒ majority of cases, this meant we went with what Heidi wanted, because she is muchΒ more opinionated about weddings than I am. But there were a few cases whereΒ it turned out I had stronger opinions than I realized, and Heidi was great at drawingΒ me out and making sure we had the wedding I wanted, too.
What was your favorite part of your wedding day?
Heidi: Our ceremony overlooked the ocean, and after our recessional, when people wereΒ just beginning to get up to head in for the cocktail hour, whales began breachingΒ right behind our wedding arch! We were facing away, heard most of our crowdΒ of loved ones gasp, and turned to watch whales celebrate our wedding with us. It was truly beautiful; I still canβt think about it without crying.
Molly: for me it was getting to the end of the procession and turning around and seeingΒ the crowdβso many people from different parts of our lives, all together in oneΒ place because they cared about us and our happiness together. That was an overwhelmingΒ feeling.
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Photography:Β Katherine Elyse PhotographyΒ /Β @lovekephoto
Venue:Β Heritage House Resort & SpaΒ /Β @heritagehouseresort
Catering:Β Heritage House Resort & SpaΒ /Β @heritagehouseresort
Dessert Table:Β A Sweet Affair PatisserieΒ / @asweetaffairpatisserie
Flowers:Β Mendocino Floral DesignΒ /Β @mendocino_floral_design
Hair & Makeup:Β M SalonΒ /Β @marianellabrey
DJ:Β NorCal Pro Sound, Tony MuzzinΒ /Β @norcalprosounddjservice
Chair & Tent Rental:Β Matt Rowland EventsΒ Β /Β No Instagram
Dress:Β Wtoo by WattersΒ /Β @wtoowattersΒ // Purchased fromΒ Haute & Co Bridal SalonΒ /Β @hauteandco
Tailoring:Β Tailor MaidΒ / @tailormaidsf
Corset:Β Dark GardenΒ /Β @darkgardencorsetry
Suit:Β Kipper ClothiersΒ /Β @kipperclothiers
Ring:Β Mendocino GemsΒ /Β No Instagram
After the BBQ ended, Laurel and her bridesmaids headed back to her suite for a beautiful Shang Tou (δΈε€΄) ceremony. Each bridesmaid brushed Laurel’s hair with a small wooden comb while the others recited a small belssing. Each brush stroke represented the falling away of Laurel’s old life and family, luck towards her future, and her reemergence the next day as a bride and wife in a new family (and don’t forget, lots of kids!). While much of the wedding was centered on the joy of joining families, the thought of giving her daughter away was an emotional moment for Laurel’s mom. By the end of the brushing, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room. Laurel’s hairs were then gently pulled from the brush and tucked inside an ornate embroidered pouch. The pouch was taken to Mike, where he slept with it under his pillow (aww, how romantic), to inspire lots of luck for a smooth and happy wedding day. π
